Princely Living and King of Kings Whiskey

In some ways, I’m living the Egyptian Dream: A snazzy apartment, with dark wood furniture, a king-sized bed and a balcony that overlooks the backyard of the US ambassador’s home in the exclusive Zamalek Island neighborhood in Cairo. I’ve got a doorman, a maid, a washing machine.

But all is not jasmine and daffodils: Egyptian décor can run from childishly playful to Style de Palace Saddam Hussein. Full length mirrors often reflect both gold-painted gilt furniture and kitschy “I LOVE You”s painted on fabric hearts – like prized disasters from summer camp art hour.

Want style sanity? Get a hotel room.

My apartment is fairly sane – blue and white paint in the living room, peach in the bedrooms. Some overwrought furniture in the bedrooms and the dining room, but not bad overall.

But the dining room cabinet/curio thing simply has to go. Two shelves of impossibly confusing tackiness stare out over my forlorn table. Top shelf features a fake jug of “King of King Whiskey” guarded by two demon-eyed angels. Bottom shelf houses the clash of religions: two outdated calendars – one features “Allah” spelled out in Arabic, the other stars the ground zero of Roman Catholicism, St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. What would the Pope say?

Surrounding all this: Knick-knacks, fake flowers, gold camels and a two-inch Santa Claus statue. In the cabinet on the left a life-sized porcelain dog peers through the glass, its mouth permanently fixed in a sloppy grin, tongue out.

Some nights, it’s hard to sleep.